Post by Jillian Moore on Aug 22, 2012 23:18:20 GMT -5
Sitting outside of the Compound, everything was fairly easy to forget. The cold boulder beneath Jillian offered a sense of security that she hadn't felt in an extended period of time. While the boulder comforted her, the darkness of the island rose up to suffocate her, surrounding her. As a child, she had feared the darkness because she wasn't able to see what was lurking in the depths. Now, that same uncertainty haunted her like a dog. And yet, she forced herself into this situation. To feel the fear, and to learn from it.
To Jillian, that was what life was all about. Learning.
To learn from your mistakes was wise. To learn from other things offered knowledge. And the person who owned both, was the most dangerous adversary. Knowledge and wisdom could have saved her from the most scarring moment of her short life. Knowledge and wisdom could have prevented her from losing all hope in men and the hope of having another good night of sleep. The night that she had finally been told everything, she had decided to arm herself. At that point in time, it wasn't clear to her how she would arm herself, but as she lived on, it was clear.
With knowledge, Jillian had avoided many other circumstances that could hurt her. And it was a good thing. Even now, she struggled to deal with the horrors that had been committed against her 17 year old self. Even now, 13 years later. Under normal circumstances, Jillian was very good at getting up and brushing herself off and living on with life. But she couldn't for this. People told her that it was okay. That it was normal not to be able to move on. They knew it was normal, but they would never understand how ti felt. Why they tried to pretend like they could, she would never understand.
Jillian had changed a lot that year. For one, she drew even further away from her aunt and uncle. But, perhaps more drastically, she grew closer with her sister. Hannah treated her the same. It wasn't often that Hannah slowed down long enough to have a heart to heart with her younger sister, but when they had them, Jillian found that Hannah was just about as rocked by the rape as she was. That insight was what pulled Jillian back onto her feet and forced her back into the real world.
Living with her aunt was no easy task. They had gotten tired of each other, and Jillian's temper needed no help to go off. The fights came to blows. There was furniture broken, and they always ended with Jillian storming away, covered in blood from the both of them. She finally moved out and lived in a shitty apartment with a shitty roommate in a shitty neighborhood. There, she fucked up her life with what money she had until she had none left. When the money ran out, her roommate introduced her to the strip club that she worked at.
Stripping opened up the next chapter in Jillian's history. It was a difficult job, and was incredibly physically demanding. She made good money, however, and kept it. One day, she was visiting the local library. A man named Henry swept her off of her feet with sweet words and gentlemanliness. It was something that she had never experienced before and was completely unprepared for. The man drugged her, stole her belongings, and left her with nothing. Jillian had no choice but to move on from Michigan at that point, and found herself traveling on foot then.
She met her first werewolf and then became a Hunter immediately after. That was the story of her life. Now, she sat in the cold, midnight air, wishing for sleep without nightmares.
Jillian was dressed in short exercise shorts and a camisole. Nothing else. Her long blonde hair lifted off of her back with each breath of wind. The whole scene reminded her of a movie. This was where the valiant man came from inside the building and offered his coat to the shivering woman. They would fall in love and then the movie would end. Nothing else happened, and one was left to imagine what happened after the movies. Jillian always assumed that they married, had a few children, fought with each other, divorced, remarried, had more children, and died without another thought of the man or woman they had first loved.
The sea was around her, bigger and stronger than the oppressive darkness. It offered the same comfort that the large boulder she sat on did. The rise and fall of the water against the island was rhythmic and full of promises. Promise to leave and to return, in a never ending cycle that would never change. It was comforting to know that no matter what, she would always have the ocean to count on. Behind her, the Compound had a single, flickering light to stand guard in the night.
Maybe it would have been better to stay in the relative safety of the Compound. She would have felt better. Things wouldn't seem so big, and she wouldn't feel so small. But, she thought that sometimes it was better to feel small, reminded you how big your problems really were in the whole scheme of the world. That philosophy had kept her alive for many years, and she planned to keep it around to help her through many more years. Jillian's eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness and now, as she looked around, she recognized the area she knew so well.
It was funny how darkness could change a familiar and once comforting thing into a monster. That was where the children got their fears of the darkness. One moment, you could be sitting in your home, but the moment the lights went off and you couldn't see, there were monsters and things that go bump in the night every where. Even your own parents could become those monsters. It was terrifying for Jillian to realize that, no matter what, even when you grew up there were those monsters. There would always be those things that go bump in the night.
To Jillian, that was what life was all about. Learning.
To learn from your mistakes was wise. To learn from other things offered knowledge. And the person who owned both, was the most dangerous adversary. Knowledge and wisdom could have saved her from the most scarring moment of her short life. Knowledge and wisdom could have prevented her from losing all hope in men and the hope of having another good night of sleep. The night that she had finally been told everything, she had decided to arm herself. At that point in time, it wasn't clear to her how she would arm herself, but as she lived on, it was clear.
With knowledge, Jillian had avoided many other circumstances that could hurt her. And it was a good thing. Even now, she struggled to deal with the horrors that had been committed against her 17 year old self. Even now, 13 years later. Under normal circumstances, Jillian was very good at getting up and brushing herself off and living on with life. But she couldn't for this. People told her that it was okay. That it was normal not to be able to move on. They knew it was normal, but they would never understand how ti felt. Why they tried to pretend like they could, she would never understand.
Jillian had changed a lot that year. For one, she drew even further away from her aunt and uncle. But, perhaps more drastically, she grew closer with her sister. Hannah treated her the same. It wasn't often that Hannah slowed down long enough to have a heart to heart with her younger sister, but when they had them, Jillian found that Hannah was just about as rocked by the rape as she was. That insight was what pulled Jillian back onto her feet and forced her back into the real world.
Living with her aunt was no easy task. They had gotten tired of each other, and Jillian's temper needed no help to go off. The fights came to blows. There was furniture broken, and they always ended with Jillian storming away, covered in blood from the both of them. She finally moved out and lived in a shitty apartment with a shitty roommate in a shitty neighborhood. There, she fucked up her life with what money she had until she had none left. When the money ran out, her roommate introduced her to the strip club that she worked at.
Stripping opened up the next chapter in Jillian's history. It was a difficult job, and was incredibly physically demanding. She made good money, however, and kept it. One day, she was visiting the local library. A man named Henry swept her off of her feet with sweet words and gentlemanliness. It was something that she had never experienced before and was completely unprepared for. The man drugged her, stole her belongings, and left her with nothing. Jillian had no choice but to move on from Michigan at that point, and found herself traveling on foot then.
She met her first werewolf and then became a Hunter immediately after. That was the story of her life. Now, she sat in the cold, midnight air, wishing for sleep without nightmares.
Jillian was dressed in short exercise shorts and a camisole. Nothing else. Her long blonde hair lifted off of her back with each breath of wind. The whole scene reminded her of a movie. This was where the valiant man came from inside the building and offered his coat to the shivering woman. They would fall in love and then the movie would end. Nothing else happened, and one was left to imagine what happened after the movies. Jillian always assumed that they married, had a few children, fought with each other, divorced, remarried, had more children, and died without another thought of the man or woman they had first loved.
The sea was around her, bigger and stronger than the oppressive darkness. It offered the same comfort that the large boulder she sat on did. The rise and fall of the water against the island was rhythmic and full of promises. Promise to leave and to return, in a never ending cycle that would never change. It was comforting to know that no matter what, she would always have the ocean to count on. Behind her, the Compound had a single, flickering light to stand guard in the night.
Maybe it would have been better to stay in the relative safety of the Compound. She would have felt better. Things wouldn't seem so big, and she wouldn't feel so small. But, she thought that sometimes it was better to feel small, reminded you how big your problems really were in the whole scheme of the world. That philosophy had kept her alive for many years, and she planned to keep it around to help her through many more years. Jillian's eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness and now, as she looked around, she recognized the area she knew so well.
It was funny how darkness could change a familiar and once comforting thing into a monster. That was where the children got their fears of the darkness. One moment, you could be sitting in your home, but the moment the lights went off and you couldn't see, there were monsters and things that go bump in the night every where. Even your own parents could become those monsters. It was terrifying for Jillian to realize that, no matter what, even when you grew up there were those monsters. There would always be those things that go bump in the night.
